new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
