Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize