When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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