I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
