you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
