I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize