well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
