life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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