I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
