haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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