Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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