i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
