Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
