your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
