I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The uberlube is also flammable
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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