I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
as a side note pls kill me
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize