You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you win again, gameday.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize