from now on my penis is your penis
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
then he tried to convert me to islam
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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