I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
