There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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