What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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