Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
