You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I think I won the penis lottery.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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