I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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