dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize