actually, I'm a sock model
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
