i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
