I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
porn star boner night. come get it.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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