I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
