Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
