i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
