Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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