my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
