mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
