I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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