I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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