My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My feet surprised me
Randomize