obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
zippers are such a cool invention
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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