There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
