You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
