Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
His nipple licking is glorious
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