So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
