WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize