I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
this boner is exhausting
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
It's rum buckets o'clock
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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