Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
