That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
