I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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