Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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