is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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