How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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