Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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