i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
