dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
