Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
