all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
