before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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