I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
