Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
