Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
