i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
