a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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